From Cosmo to Country Girl: Making Life Decisions in 2020
Back to January 1st, 2020: if anyone told me that by June 2020 I’d have moved with all my stuff to the rural side of Brazil, I’d be like, “k, lol”. And here I am.
After a bunch of confused friends kept asking “where are you, what are you doing, who are you with?”, I decided to write this.
Background Note 1: For context, I left Brazil in January 2010 for 3 months volunteering in Mauritius, after which I’d return to graduate in Law. 10 years later, I lived across 4 continents, dropped out of college 3 times, started and sold a business, almost stayed in Asia for life and… Now, as my Malaysian friends would say, I “balik kampung” (which means “return to the village”). From big cities around the world, I’m back to the countryside in Brazil.
To cut the long story short:
Where am I?
Living at a cute farm at Serra do Cipó, neighboring a beautiful National Park (think of Yosemite’s cousin in Brazil)
Doing What?
I am writing a book about Communities (Autumn 2020). Also, I let go of my position as Community Development Director at Startup Genome (a company I continue to support and collaborate with) to be available to start or join new ventures that help Brazil and Latam to recover from this crisis.
We created our own “Roça-Office” (translates to “Farm-Office)”, bringing the best of the worlds together. I am also making jewelry, kefir, cheese bread (its online course coming soon). And practicing lyra (aerial hoop), sometimes.
With who?
I’m lucky to be with the very man I chose to be with in a relationship. It’s called having a boyfriend, they say — and it’s sort of new to me, having lived a nomad(ish) life for the past 6 years.
There’s also his business partner (a good friend), with whom we share a couple of plans for adventures ahead, life and business related, including this “roça-office” (live a better life — while staying connected with the world). And there’s a dog, a bunch of roaming birds, monkeys, squirrels, spiders, snakes, chicken, lizards, you know… Everybody is here.
And here’s the longer version of this story.
Just Another Stroke of Serendipity
Returning to Brazil wasn’t the plan, but nothing was ever a plan.
While I’m grateful for all the serendipitous events that defined my life, in 2018 I decided to follow an intentional path, decision-based — rather than FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
Being closer to my family was a goal. But also being in a place where I felt like staying and people I felt like staying with. While Malaysia felt like home (it still does), I was afraid of finding myself at 40 years old, having led a successful life, but having lived a 30h flight away from my parents, brother, and extended family. I came from the countryside and my values are rooted in it. Probably the reason why I built communities wherever I went to somehow have that small-town feeling around.
Background Note 2: in 2017, after quitting the company which bought mine, I went on a globe-trotting sabbatical, which ended at a 300km pilgrimage with Mom (yes, by foot) to Santiago de Compostela, where I realized that I wanted to be closer to my family. Amongst other reasons, that made me leave Malaysia after 4+ years in there — with no specific direction.
After leaving Malaysia, I globe-trotted for another bit and landed in Brazil to speak at a few conferences. It was my first time being back here for longer than a couple of weeks. This allowed some key serendipitous encounters to happen. Even so, as life goes, I joined Startup Genome and moved to San Francisco — closer to Brazil.
Living in the Bay Area was a privilege. I take from it sweet memories and life long friendships. I would have stayed longer, but deep inside I knew that wouldn’t be the place where I’d plant seeds. Then came Lisbon, and Berlin: an opportunity to live in one of these two authentically and culturally amazing places… But once again, I wasn’t sure I would plant seeds there. And I no longer wanted to risk the “exchange student” life, for now. I had been “homeless on purpose” for too long.
At the end of last year, I came back to attend a tech conference in Brazil, planning to stay for 2 weeks and, well. I stayed for 3 months, quarantine hit us (as well as a bit of life crisis), and here I am.
So. That background story leads me here.
I enjoy traveling, belonging anywhere. But for now, I want to build a home — while staying connected with the world. I want to plant seeds. Literally and metaphorically. To cultivate the soil and have time to see things grow at their own pace. What I love about growing organic things (which includes baking) is that it teaches a lot about building communities. You can’t control the outcome, but nourish the environment for it to grow.
If You Could Pick One Place to Be…
I am well aware of how privileged I am for being to choose where to be, who to be with. That is also a consequence of all decisions I’ve made in the past. Everything, good and bad, led me here.
The COVID-19 crisis didn’t pull the rug from under me, it was evident I’d already been groundless for a while. I had gotten used to it. Staying in one place required more bravery than leaving all behind.
During the first 6 weeks of quarantine, alone in Sao Paulo, a vague sense of apocalyptic doom hit me. It became clear I had to start living a life that I’d be proud of. I was alone to consider what mattered the most. With my core values in evidence, I went back to basics: who do I want to be with? Where? Doing what? I feel lucky to have the ability to choose and proud to have used it. Choosing itself is a step we, sometimes, avoid, unconsciously or not. It is scary to feel we’re responsible for our decisions: by not choosing, we reduce our own responsibility for “whatever happens”. But the truth is: we can’t control the outcome anyway. It is better to make choices that reduce the risk of feeling like a stranger to your own life, 3 years from now. As long as you don’t compromise or harm anything that’s core to you, or to someone else, the best advice is to just do the thing you’re most afraid of failing at.
“Follow your heart”, may sound like a cute Disney Princess advice, but it takes courage. In fact, courage literally means, from Latin,“an act from the heart”.
Growing Lotuses From The Mud
Trusting one’s heart is weird. It takes a lot of courage, a handful of self-awareness, and may be helped by a glass of wine (but the outcome won’t be sustained too long unless it is sincere).
Since 2014, I live by this Chinese Proverb which reads “successful or not, a sincere path is the only way”.
Background Note 3: in 2014 I quit the job that took me Malaysia after just 2 months in, becoming a full-time community builder on behalf of Startup Grind. A path that led me to who I am today.
For now, I am here. While I know things may change, I chose here.
It took more courage me to decide for roots (family, relationship, land), rather than to continue traveling the world, belonging anywhere. The perspective of “choosing wrong” haunted me. I feared to find myself, 3 years from now, stuck in the countryside, disconnected from the world and friends around it. But this fear is an illusion. The fear of things going wrong is a form of boycotting ourselves to avoid impermanence when choosing for something we hold dear. We fear that choice will put us at risk, threaten our freedom, and leave us stranded: “you’ll lose everything”.
In reality, fear or love driven, we can’t control anything. And that’s great. That lack of control itself is the root of serendipity, as the mud is for lotuses.
Challenging times can lead to honest choices. As the Chinese Proverb says: “…a sincere approach is the only way”. The rest is the experiences each choice leads to, and that’s what life is about. 3 years from now, I might be here, having built a worldwide connected rural community. Or I might find myself in Bali, or NYC doing some sort of work I had never expected.
Anything can happen.
What I know for sure is: if I had to choose one place to be, one human to be with now, this is it. Today.
What’s Next
It’s not the end of the world, yet, but as R.E.M put, “it’s the end of the world as we know it”. I am lucky to feel fine, as well as my closest ones. I’d love to keep it that way, making sure as many people also feel fine as soon as possible.
But the effects of this crisis in our economy are yet to be seen. Cases in Brazil are spiking. There is an eminent second wave in China, which we hope won’t hit us hard. Specialists claim the Brazilian Economy is expected to recover in 2033. Around the corner, the unknown. In times of instability, fear drives us to hold on to whatever gives us a sense of certainty (like a job). Yet, there are no certainties that stand too long in such a crisis.
Argentina has one of the most entrepreneurial people I’ve ever met. While living there I learned this is due to much financial crisis they’ve been through, which taught them that we world as we know it — including banks, insurance companies, and other technically safe institutions — is pure fiction. They’re beyond the matrix. I would like to bring that Argentinian perception to everyone. We must let go of the idea of the world as we knew it. There is a lot to learn and reinvent. Hands and brains are needed to reinvent our economies and I want to offer all of me. I want to be an active part of this process. I stayed in Brazil to be available — and find ways to contribute.
For now, I am finding the lifestyle I want. Working from a beautiful home, with love, building worldwide connected communities from here.
What’s next? We’ll see.
If you’re around and can relate, I’d love to grab a coffee and talk about life. From wherever you are.
Love,
Laís
